Jerusalem Times

So, I've decided....

I'm definitely not going to be a nun.

I don't know if it's something all Catholic girls worry about, or if it's just me... Although on my travels I have now encountered an Anglican lady who was also worried about becoming a roman catholic nun... So I guess I'm not alone.

What's brought all this on? I hear you ask. Well, I thought it'd be nice to stay with nuns whilst I'm WWOOFing about the place, and I've found out... They're just normal people. It might be a strange thing to discover at the ripe old age of 27, but there it is. I knew nuns at school, but you never really knew what they got up to when they weren't telling you to be quiet in the library or being lovely and friendly in the lower dining hall at lunch time. I presumed they just went off and prayed the rest of the time, probably in solitary confinement or something. I imagined they would have mass every day and just sit around with rosarys, praying. I also thought all nuns would be really good singers because of all the choir practice. Clearly I've just watched too much sister act. I just thought they'd be really, really, holy.

So anyway, when I had a conversation with the man who owned the hostel I was staying at in Wanganui I was quite surprised to hear about these go getting nuns who were really active and just did everything themselves, made vegetable gardens, didn't wear nun clothes and stuff, I was feeling quite positive.

Sister L brought me up to Jerusalem in the car the sisters have (quite new and already been in two accidents). The journey here was lovely, beautiful scenery; high hills and a meandering river in the valley below, lots of native looking plants and undulating hills with sheep grazing. Jerusalem is a tiny little place with just the odd house and then this church and the old convent. It looks quite quaint. I met Sister M, and both the nuns were lovely, although not particularly to each other, little jibes and complaints and under breath comments. This surprised me. Nuns, may not like each other.

I also found out that day, that Nuns, watch trash t.v.! That's right, whenever it's on tv, they watch Emerdale and Coronation St! I was not expecting that... Maybe songs of praise but Emerdale.... Ugh. And they watch it whilst eating... Not really into t.v.s in general anymore to be honest and I really don't like to eat in front of it, it completely stifles conversation and I get frustrated if people do try and talk over it, even if I don't like the show- which makes no sense and annoys me more. I don't want to be sucked in to these nun's bad habits.

Today, as I washed around the red wooden bits of the church, I was thinking about that fear of being a nun, and how I am now fairly convinced I don't want to be one. It almost seems like a waste. I mean, I reckon mother prays more than these nuns, and she works and does other stuff too. She's still got all the freedom of a normal life as well as the inclination to pray lots.

I just don't get why anyone would want to get rid of the God given freedom of will. I like the idea of being able to help people, but I'm pretty sure I'd do much better job of it my way rather than a nuns way. I don't think I'd have a problem with chastity or poverty, but I think I would have serious issues with obedience. It's not that I'm a disobedient person - ask mother! It's just that I hold a great deal of value on my ability to think and make choices based on my own experiences and thought processes. It struck me as I was doing work for sister M, she doesn't really listen to any of my suggestions in the garden, maybe it's because she has to be so obedient in so much of her life she just likes to make the decisions about what she can control. It's a bit like how I'm more or less vegan but find it really hard to control myself with tasty vegan food, I've used up all my will power already by not eating meat or dairy I sometimes feel like I have none left to restrain myself when it comes to chocolates and vegan cakes and suchlike, although I am getting better on my new low sugar regime. I should say less sugar really...

Anyway, I'm being obedient, and doing all my work, plus making the main meal of the day, none of which I mind doing - I should hardly be WWOOFing if I did. I'm also saying evening prayer every day... But only because I feel obliged. Which is just no good. It puts me off wanting to do it when I'm just presumed to be doing it. The last place I WWOOFed at I went to Anglican church on the two Sundays I was there, and I was literally excited about going the second time because the first time had been so good. But this evening prayer... It's just quite dull. And after a day of work, I'm pretty tired, and I love God, I think it's great that I'm alive and there's all these other animals and people and plants and mountains and rivers and what not. In fact I try and remember to thank him every day, and if I forget usually the little birds remind me, those fan tails are just so cute. So why would God want me to sit through a boring evening prayer that means so much less to me than the real world, or my own little prayers I say in my head? Today Sister M tried to jazz it up with some music from a cd. It was quite dull music. I need to get some of that cool Anglican music and send it to them...

Anyway, I went for a walk earlier to cheer myself up. There were lots of fantails frantically flying around me, I think I must have been disturbing lots of insects for them to pick off, and there were some horses I made friends with. I returned to tell Sister M of the wonderful animals and was informed that she is not an animal lover... What? But you're a nun... No, she's not an animal lover, but what would God say?! Not an animal lover, never liked them. She told me how she used to chase her sisters cat. Sigh. Nuns... Don't necessarily love Gods creation.... Makes no sense to me.

This whole blog is seeming like something of a bitch about nuns and their lives. Tsk Tsk Mary.... I'm sure they do in actuality, do lots of good... Probably... I'm just making rash judgements on people I've known for only three days. Maybe I just expected this to be a retreat like event, really peaceful with enlightened religious folk. All I know, is that so far every other WWOOFing place has been more fun, interesting, and varied than this one. The other hosts have been interesting and interested, they've asked me questions about my life and philosophies and ideals, they've taught me new skills and presented me with new experiences, I felt like I made friends. This has been very different from those experiences.

You won't see this blog entry until I've finished at Jerusalem, the nuns won't give me the wireless password. I don't know why, I'm allowed to use the internet on their computer, but Sister L said they don't give out passwords. I don't think they really understand how the Internet works, I did try to explain, but... they don't give out passwords. I've also been trying to teach Sister M to send e mails, I spent four hours with her the other day doing computer stuff. I think maybe this is God testing my patience. I think I'm doing ok, but it is a little frustrating at times, they're worse than mother on computers. A few weeks back I sent them an e mail asking to come here and they didn't reply so I phoned to ask if it was ok, and Sister L said that I didn't send my e mail address with my e mail, I explained three times that you can just click the reply button, but... I didn't send my e mail address with the e mail. Sigh. I will be showing her when she returns from Wanganui.

Post Script:
So, I've left Jerusalem now. I feel a sense of release that didn't come with the other places I left. I may have been hasty in some of my judgements. I'm not really sure. But chatting to the posties on my way to wanganui I know I'm not alone, they too find the sisters similarly set in their ways and at times frustrating. I think it may be as a result of them being old, cut off from life and things to do and watching too many soap operas. They're quite set in their ways, they don't seem to trust others in particular, they can be molly coddling and I think manipulative. Sister M. Wanted lots of help on the computer, which I was happy to give, but she would tell me to come in because it was cold or wet, when it wasn't really, and then when I said no, I was quite happy, she would insist, if I refused a second time she would usually tell me she needed help on the computer. Well, just be honest and say that the first time! I'm supposed to be helping with working on organic gardens and what not, and I don't mind helping with computers, but that can be done in the evening. I don't really know why the sisters signed up to WWOOFing as they seem reluctant to listen to ideas on sustainability and permaculture and I'm not sure they even know what permaculture is. They're really just old people who want a bit of help around the house and to feel less lonely. It's incredibly isolated there and I think they're at times scared and lonely.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say about that.