The month of Bruno.
So technically, I suppose, Bruno is my first ever holiday romance, although that feels almost like trivializing what I felt for him. Basically, there's just very few people in the world who are that wonderful. I hope he always retains his wonderfulness.
The first time I saw Bruno, I thought, gosh he's attractive, too attractive. So I just carried on, almost ignoring him. A group at the hostel were going to see him play at his Brazilian bar, I established that it was the good looking one who was playing, at the time I didn't know his name. That was my first vaguely drunken evening in the while, so drunk Mary took over and was in fits of hysterics for half the evening and I don't remember why, I think I was laughing at Jose laughing at me. It was a good night. Lots of dancing. I was possibly proposing marriage to every brazilian at the bar due to my sudden inclination to visit the country based on the groovy music. After that evening Bruno and I started talking and making eyes at each across the kitchen. Our first kiss was instigated by him and as I pushed him away explaining I'd just had a ridiculously garlicky dinner, he kissed me anyway. That's more romantic than most things. I stumbled back to my room in a giddy daze. Hadn't been kissed like that for a while.
We spent all our spare minutes together, smooching excessively in public places. Being cutesy and laughing and telling each other how beautiful the other is. We have similar views on life and the importance of positivity and energy in it. With shared interests, similarly vague in yoga and meditation and eastern philosophies, but both with a grounding in Christianity. We enjoyed exercising together and talking and teaching our languages. Walking around auckland barefoot. Time went quickly.
We shared our meals together and cooked for one another. His only conceivable fault being that he overcooks vegetables, although ever meal he made was delicious. No ones ever cooked me vegan food so much before.
I stopped reading my list of happy. There was no need when I was with Bruno. He was perfect. I was even more attracted to him when he said he wanted to start doing volunteer work when he finished his English course. He wanted to work with children or old people.
We ended up being forced together further when the hostel decided I had to I've into his room as I spent so much time there anyway. Losing even more space than I had previously I wasn't such a happy bunny. Bruno was as positive as ever saying "for me, it is a good thing." I love the way he talks, I always told him not to learn any more English, because the way he speaks is so cute.
I couldn't even be angry at him when he said quite plainly " I just don't love you, I just don't love you Mary." I smiled as he said it, (although feeling like a truck had hit me on the inside) because it's so rare that you'd ever get any guy from Britain speaking that plainly unless it was some sort of heated argument. Bruno and I didn't argue, I just asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and he said he didn't think so. I think I thought it had gone that way, but clearly not. I'm not into casual relationships so much, and from what I knew of them, those involved weren't so... Well involved, cuteness and spending time together aren't generally involved in casual relationships in England as far I was aware. Cultural differences, what you gonna do? Anyway, Bruno had his reasons for not wanting a serious relationship and I understand them. I told him I couldnt continue with him as I would get too involved and ultimately hurt. As you do, I regretted it as soon as the next day, especially as we were still sharing the same room/bed.
What I don't get about some people is that wall they can build. I just don't know how they go from being all squidgey and lovely to just emotionless and void of any emotion for you in the snap of the fingers. Ive found in life that if I have feelings for a person, it takes a long long time for those feelings to go. Which is one reason I usually have about two years as a single person after my relationships I think, just to be happy as myself and by myself and to let my emotions come to a gradual end. This acting like you're just friends or less after being so intimate feels like losing a limb, like a part of you has been taken away and is more painful than the situation itself. I could understand the reasons for not continuing with the relationship, but not the way the way it was dealt with, and it is the change of behaviors that affects me more than the reality of the situation.
Anyway, I felt seriously injured for like two days and was beginning to doubt I had any emotional strength. But then I read my list of happy one evening as Bruno sang and played guitar and I just felt good again. I am so aware that I don't need other people to ensure my own happiness, that really, what other people do doesn't matter. We duetted after that and spent a pleasant evening together, he went out and I slept as I had work the next day. I moved out soon after and now live in a house near my work, in ellerslie. I've been happy here these past two days, even if the cat isn't that friendly, my housemates are nice, chilled out people, and accepted me to join their posse even though I sent a txt soon after looking round their house saying I'd be happy to live with them even if I had already forgotten their names.
I've spent the evening with my new housemate Dave, who may possibly be a bit scared of me now, he's retreated to his room for the evening. We watched Rango..? The one with Johnny Depp as a chameleon, I laughed hysterically for about ten minutes when spoons said " I found some human spinal cord in my fecal matter". Then tried to start a conversation a bit later about suicide... I don't get why it's a taboo subject. Anyway, potentially, he may think I'm strange. I've been sat here in the lounge listening to Dave's music, I think he's one of these people who collects other people's music and doesn't really know what he has, he didn't seem very familiar with his roxy music... I'm onto cat Stevens now... He has quite the collection.
Anyway, I'll hopefully see Bruno tomo, I have plans to go swimming. It's nice just to stay friends with everyone, to love everyone. The world is such a difficult place, without love, I think it would be pointless. And as I told mother, if we didn't feel sad, then we wouldn't feel happy. Swings and round abouts and all that. Isn't there some saying about how you only regret things you don't do, I think that may be right. I've only ever regretted things I've not done, and I certainly don't regret any second of my time with Bruno, I wish only happiness for him, and that all his dreams come true. I know he only wishes good things for me too. Maybe one day I will name a rabbit after him....
So technically, I suppose, Bruno is my first ever holiday romance, although that feels almost like trivializing what I felt for him. Basically, there's just very few people in the world who are that wonderful. I hope he always retains his wonderfulness.
The first time I saw Bruno, I thought, gosh he's attractive, too attractive. So I just carried on, almost ignoring him. A group at the hostel were going to see him play at his Brazilian bar, I established that it was the good looking one who was playing, at the time I didn't know his name. That was my first vaguely drunken evening in the while, so drunk Mary took over and was in fits of hysterics for half the evening and I don't remember why, I think I was laughing at Jose laughing at me. It was a good night. Lots of dancing. I was possibly proposing marriage to every brazilian at the bar due to my sudden inclination to visit the country based on the groovy music. After that evening Bruno and I started talking and making eyes at each across the kitchen. Our first kiss was instigated by him and as I pushed him away explaining I'd just had a ridiculously garlicky dinner, he kissed me anyway. That's more romantic than most things. I stumbled back to my room in a giddy daze. Hadn't been kissed like that for a while.
We spent all our spare minutes together, smooching excessively in public places. Being cutesy and laughing and telling each other how beautiful the other is. We have similar views on life and the importance of positivity and energy in it. With shared interests, similarly vague in yoga and meditation and eastern philosophies, but both with a grounding in Christianity. We enjoyed exercising together and talking and teaching our languages. Walking around auckland barefoot. Time went quickly.
We shared our meals together and cooked for one another. His only conceivable fault being that he overcooks vegetables, although ever meal he made was delicious. No ones ever cooked me vegan food so much before.
I stopped reading my list of happy. There was no need when I was with Bruno. He was perfect. I was even more attracted to him when he said he wanted to start doing volunteer work when he finished his English course. He wanted to work with children or old people.
We ended up being forced together further when the hostel decided I had to I've into his room as I spent so much time there anyway. Losing even more space than I had previously I wasn't such a happy bunny. Bruno was as positive as ever saying "for me, it is a good thing." I love the way he talks, I always told him not to learn any more English, because the way he speaks is so cute.
I couldn't even be angry at him when he said quite plainly " I just don't love you, I just don't love you Mary." I smiled as he said it, (although feeling like a truck had hit me on the inside) because it's so rare that you'd ever get any guy from Britain speaking that plainly unless it was some sort of heated argument. Bruno and I didn't argue, I just asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and he said he didn't think so. I think I thought it had gone that way, but clearly not. I'm not into casual relationships so much, and from what I knew of them, those involved weren't so... Well involved, cuteness and spending time together aren't generally involved in casual relationships in England as far I was aware. Cultural differences, what you gonna do? Anyway, Bruno had his reasons for not wanting a serious relationship and I understand them. I told him I couldnt continue with him as I would get too involved and ultimately hurt. As you do, I regretted it as soon as the next day, especially as we were still sharing the same room/bed.
What I don't get about some people is that wall they can build. I just don't know how they go from being all squidgey and lovely to just emotionless and void of any emotion for you in the snap of the fingers. Ive found in life that if I have feelings for a person, it takes a long long time for those feelings to go. Which is one reason I usually have about two years as a single person after my relationships I think, just to be happy as myself and by myself and to let my emotions come to a gradual end. This acting like you're just friends or less after being so intimate feels like losing a limb, like a part of you has been taken away and is more painful than the situation itself. I could understand the reasons for not continuing with the relationship, but not the way the way it was dealt with, and it is the change of behaviors that affects me more than the reality of the situation.
Anyway, I felt seriously injured for like two days and was beginning to doubt I had any emotional strength. But then I read my list of happy one evening as Bruno sang and played guitar and I just felt good again. I am so aware that I don't need other people to ensure my own happiness, that really, what other people do doesn't matter. We duetted after that and spent a pleasant evening together, he went out and I slept as I had work the next day. I moved out soon after and now live in a house near my work, in ellerslie. I've been happy here these past two days, even if the cat isn't that friendly, my housemates are nice, chilled out people, and accepted me to join their posse even though I sent a txt soon after looking round their house saying I'd be happy to live with them even if I had already forgotten their names.
I've spent the evening with my new housemate Dave, who may possibly be a bit scared of me now, he's retreated to his room for the evening. We watched Rango..? The one with Johnny Depp as a chameleon, I laughed hysterically for about ten minutes when spoons said " I found some human spinal cord in my fecal matter". Then tried to start a conversation a bit later about suicide... I don't get why it's a taboo subject. Anyway, potentially, he may think I'm strange. I've been sat here in the lounge listening to Dave's music, I think he's one of these people who collects other people's music and doesn't really know what he has, he didn't seem very familiar with his roxy music... I'm onto cat Stevens now... He has quite the collection.
Anyway, I'll hopefully see Bruno tomo, I have plans to go swimming. It's nice just to stay friends with everyone, to love everyone. The world is such a difficult place, without love, I think it would be pointless. And as I told mother, if we didn't feel sad, then we wouldn't feel happy. Swings and round abouts and all that. Isn't there some saying about how you only regret things you don't do, I think that may be right. I've only ever regretted things I've not done, and I certainly don't regret any second of my time with Bruno, I wish only happiness for him, and that all his dreams come true. I know he only wishes good things for me too. Maybe one day I will name a rabbit after him....
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